Social interractions

I can't imagine a social interraction that doesn't include some kind of dominant - submitted relation. In every scenario one party is dominant and the other party has somewhat less power. We might think that conflicts arise when two parties see themselves on the same level or feels challenged in some way but yet taking any single moment we see that one party has the upper hand.

We seem to go through different states of mind (ego states) during the day or even during a single communication. You can start a very mature conversation with a grown up but end up feeling you are trying to convince a stubborn 8 years old to eat his vegetables.
Of course you are the one to blame in such cases... really.
This means you did or said something to trigger a defensive response in the other person or in this example you just called the child in them. Usually this means that the controlling adult in you took over which in turn triggered the child in the other person.
This can be very as simple as:
- "do it!"
- "no I won't!"

When confronted to this situation, the body language of the 8 years old will instantly surface; crossing the arms for example and to be able to move forward, you will then have to disengage the "child mode".
There can be many reason that lead to this reaction but we can say that the main reasons are: challenge of the control or an attack on their dignity. It is known that most confrontations are a result of a perceived challenged of control. Nobody likes to loose control and when faced with it we tend to react.
Challenging the knowledge of someone on a subject is one of the examples we can give. As a salesman I often face this situation with customers that have a very limited knowledge on the subject (IT security for those who care) and I often have to confront them. The moment I correct them or tell them they are wrong I come face to face with the "child" who closes all possible communication. I then have to give them back control and I usually use something like "apart from the technical aspect, how would you say we move on the subject" and I shut up. Crucial as you have to let the other party blow off steam and make up for the injury you just caused.

Simple enough as long as you keep in mind that sooner or later the child will surface. So expect it, be ready for it and the moment you see it, give back full control or the child can quickly turn into Chucky.