Beside many clues that can usually give away signs of deception, I believe the Freudian Slip is one of the easiest to spot.
It is supposed that the deceiver forgets the lie and that truth just pops out. As my general approach to life, I don't believe in "easy". So I'd be the last to buy the idea that the truth can "just fall off" but there is a part of it I take seriously: it gives insight to the ongoing train of thoughts.
Ever read an email while talking on the phone? Ever "inserted" a word from the mail to the phone conversation without noticing and only realised it when your sentence lost its meaning? Well, that's the slip as far as I go.
The slip gives me a word or a snapshot of the ideas being processed. I only take note of the nature of the word: is it a positive one? Is it related to the current discussion? Is it a person? An object? As I said, just a clue that could mean something... Or not.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
What's Missing?
The fight or flight response mentioned in the previous post can be a real friend for anyone who wants to spot lies. This response will give you the imporession something is missing almost as if you had forgotten something. However, most of the time the "noise" in the communication will cover this feeling and this is exacty why we fall for deception. It seems we never ask the questions we should.
As lies are common practice in my part part of the world and almost a must in the business environment I constantly have to ask this question. Usualy what's missing is quite obvious and prevents me from serious stress later on. A person presenting himself as well connected politically and wealthy shouldn't schedule a meeting at a local coffee shop and come to the meeting with a A class car (also known as small, average and cheap car). What's missing can aslo be action, a business woman who is supposed to manage a salesforce making over 3 million euros per month should have her cell phone ringing at least once over a 4 hours meeting.
Usualy people who are trying to deceive us will try to put some kind of pressure so we don't have time or aren't in the mental state to ask this question. That's why we fall for deals that are too good to be true.
The basic trule can be to handle every interaction as a seperate entity, who is the other party? What is the subject? what's at stake? what's the price? and What's missing?
As lies are common practice in my part part of the world and almost a must in the business environment I constantly have to ask this question. Usualy what's missing is quite obvious and prevents me from serious stress later on. A person presenting himself as well connected politically and wealthy shouldn't schedule a meeting at a local coffee shop and come to the meeting with a A class car (also known as small, average and cheap car). What's missing can aslo be action, a business woman who is supposed to manage a salesforce making over 3 million euros per month should have her cell phone ringing at least once over a 4 hours meeting.
Usualy people who are trying to deceive us will try to put some kind of pressure so we don't have time or aren't in the mental state to ask this question. That's why we fall for deals that are too good to be true.
The basic trule can be to handle every interaction as a seperate entity, who is the other party? What is the subject? what's at stake? what's the price? and What's missing?
Fight or Flight Response
The very basic instinct of any animal in any situation is to decide whether to "stay" or to "run". The same basic decision applies to any social situation we face and most of the time the decision is made in the subconcious level. The salesman entering a prospect's office will trigger one of these response which will result in a sale or loss. The same split second decision is also made when faced with a potential flirt, do we like them enough to get to know them better or do we give them the cold shoulder?
Paralinguistics can be used to generate a favorable decision in either case. A warm and genuine smile, slightly leaning toward the other person, standing on their right, using their names in any occasion are very basic signals we can give the other party so they don't give a "flight response".
In today's world we also have to consider the way we dress as a part of the non-verbal communication process. The basic rule is to "dress the part". We have general stereotypes in our heads, the salesman, the manager, the handyman... A failure to conform to these stereotypes will result in a "flight response" as they will notice something isn't right. Remember, the flight response of a prospect is the flight response of your commision.
Personal hygiene or accessories can also tip the balance in one direction or the other. A handyman wearing a rolex or grease stain on a salesman's tie can be considered as alerts. Just as the sun tan around your ring finger will be an alarm for any flirt you might think of having.
Paralinguistics can be used to generate a favorable decision in either case. A warm and genuine smile, slightly leaning toward the other person, standing on their right, using their names in any occasion are very basic signals we can give the other party so they don't give a "flight response".
In today's world we also have to consider the way we dress as a part of the non-verbal communication process. The basic rule is to "dress the part". We have general stereotypes in our heads, the salesman, the manager, the handyman... A failure to conform to these stereotypes will result in a "flight response" as they will notice something isn't right. Remember, the flight response of a prospect is the flight response of your commision.
Personal hygiene or accessories can also tip the balance in one direction or the other. A handyman wearing a rolex or grease stain on a salesman's tie can be considered as alerts. Just as the sun tan around your ring finger will be an alarm for any flirt you might think of having.
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