Body Language Fundamentals

The non verbal side of communication has some similarities with the verbal part. One of the key points to consider when trying to understand non verbal communication is that at any given time the body is a sentence not a word.

The smile is a word, the crossed arms are another word but the message the body gives isn’t limited to either of them, it’s the way they come together that creates any meaning. A laugh can be a laugh, certainly, but when combined with tense body actions and eyes that seem to search for an exit, the laugh becomes a nervous laugh. Thus the difference between someone who enjoys your presence and someone who is desperate to leave.

In any situation, whether it’s trying to figure out a lie, call a bluff or know when it’s time to take the flirt to the next level, we should remember that no single gesture can have a meaning. The body language should be seen as a whole including the situation (context), the social and cultural background of the the other person, their motives, the “normal” behavior you should expect in this situation, the facial expressions, the micro expressions, the position of the body and gestures. Too much information to process? For most of us all these are already perceived and analyzed subconsciously on a daily basis. All these combined with several other elements make that, for example, you like some people the moment you meet them while you never get really comfortable around others.

The difficulty is to be able to process all these elements on a conscious level and reach a decision based on facts more than on your guts. Of course we have a hard time getting rid of all social and cultural preconceptions (not to say prejudice) you have accumulated so far.

The key to reading body language effectively is closely related to your observation skills. The best thing to do is to practice. Watch people around you at work, at the mall, at the restaurant, at the airport. Try to see the difference between the salesman who just closed and to one who just lost a customer. See how different the married couple and the young couple interact with each other at lunch.

The more you observe the easier you’ll see the differences, in fact you’ll “feel” them without really being sure what made you think this rather than that. But the why isn’t really important for now, just try to get the hang of observing people around you. We will complete the puzzle piece by piece as we go along.